My neighbor dies in a tragic accident last week. While I would never wish the worst upon anyone, I cannot say that I will miss him. He was, in fact, somewhat of a jerk. He was arrogant, rude, aloof, and generally unneighborly.

He was also eccentric, although that part of him didn’t bother me at all. There was always something happening next door. The goings-on there would have been a great inspiration for a soap opera writer.

I was mildly surprised at the content of his obituary in our local paper. He was described as a wonderful human being – the type of person who was kind to children and small animals. He was very sociable, according to the obituary, and loved to entertain friends and family. The obituary listed his brothers and sisters, and his nieces and nephews, all of whom will mourn his passing.

It didn’t seem to describe the person I knew, although I admit I only knew him casually. Was there another side of him that I did not know? Should I have tried to know him better? Or was this the puff that one often reads in an obituary?

I wrote the obituary for my father several years ago. Years before that, I wrote the obituaries for my father-in-law and mother-in-law. I found these easy to write. All three were very special people and it was not difficult to describe them with affection, or to recount their many accomplishments.

On each occasion, writing the obituary was my form of catharsis. I felt better after writing each one. I believe the family felt better after seeing them in print. It was almost as if the publications provided more evidence of the value of their lives.

Maybe this is how my neighbor’s family felt, when they read his obituary.

An old comedian once told the joke about his obituary. He said: “The first thing I do in the morning is read the obituaries. If I don’t see mine in the paper, then I know it is time to get dressed and start the rest of the day.” I wish I could recall who told the story. It sounds like something George Burns would tell.

I searched “obituary” on a search engine and found a number of interesting sites. Evidently, this is an excellent genealogy tool. Some of the better ones were Obituary Central, Ancestor Hunt, Obituary Links and National Obituary Archive.

I also discovered the International Association of Obituarists. If you’re interest, they are putting on the Obituary Writers International Conference in Bath, England this June. [Editor’s note – that was June, 2005.]

You might be interest in It Was A Dark and Stormy Life on the writing of “advance obituaries”. These are obits written while the subject is still alive, and they usually involve a pre-death interview. The subjects usually like the idea, since it gives them a chance to participate in the preparation of their own obituary.

I’m not sure I would want to participate in the writing of mine.